Why Blogging?

After a rocky finish to a fairly successful college career, I searched on Indeed, LinkedIn, Glassdoor, and ZipRecruiter everyday for jobs that pertained to writing (as long as they weren’t writing truck routes and loading plans).

If you’re wondering how that went, I’m still looking.

I applied for a website content writer (it was a much fancier name, but my memory has failed me) at WebFX, and I did as well as I could for having a four article application assignment due on top of midterms for the spring semester. They didn’t hire me, but they liked me enough to offer my name up to another company. They picked someone else too.

In July, I applied at a company that said “Manager Position” on ZipRecruitor. I thought if I couldn’t have a writing job, then I’d gain valuable experience managing people. Most of the writing jobs wanted seasoned writers who could manage a team of people.

After managing a small group of young swimmers at college, I’d say I’m prepared enough to manage adults. Although their distractions may be watching Netflix at work instead of screaming at one another underwater, I think I could get the hang of it. But who am I to say? Better yet, who are they?

The manager position wasn’t what they claimed. It was to be a life insurance agent. They know how to sell more than life insurance because I bought the bait. After listening to their ten minute advertisement to me and a group of other possible candidates, I thought it would be a great company to work for and an easy way to make good money to save up to publish a book.

It wasn’t. The company was disorganized, rushed, and expected too much out of their “employees” for no pay. It was 100% commission, and it wasn’t worth it. After studying and getting my life insurance license, they began training on Monday by asking me to recite the script they sent me on Friday evening (meanwhile I had my bridal shower that Saturday). I’m no actress and memorizing a crappily written script word for word wasn’t happening in a weekend. I told them I’d work hard to memorize it, which I knew I would because that’s the kind of person I am.

However, I’m not kind of person who can easily lie to people. I find pride in being honest and genuine in each moment. Calling hardworking individuals from 5 to 9 at night was repulsive to me. I felt like the slime of the earth because I wasn’t really a life insurance agent. I was a telemarketer, and I felt like a wolf dressed like grandma. By day two, I spent most of the afternoon crying wondering what I was doing with my life, and I told my manager it wasn’t for me.

He said, “Don’t make a permanent decision on temporary feelings.”

I had to bite my tongue to keep my thoughts to myself. They were excellent salespeople, and they trained (manipulated) their employees well. It infuriated me that he so easily assumed that my emotional outbreak was a temporary feeling. Like anyone, I don’t have emotional breakdowns over nothing, and I rarely have them at that. I’ve worked hard at accepting it’s alright to feel my emotions and not block them off, so, yes, maybe once or twice a year I have a very liberating emltional release. I’d say that’s not even a healthy amount. I’ll get better as life’s ambitions dim in due time.

I’ve digressed, sorry. It wasn’t temporary feelings, and I’m one thousand percent happier not working for that company. After that fiasco, I decided that I needed to stick to writing. It’s been my greatest fear since starting college that I’ll end up going through life with a mediocre job. I fear at age fifty I’ll realize I’ve wasted years not doing what I love, so I’m trying to be productive now.

My hope is blogging will help spread my name in the writing world. At the very least, it’ll give me the opportunity to share and learn with you.

Downside to not having a job: Guilt plagues me for making my husband be my sugar daddy for the last few months, but he loves me and my dreams… so it’s really not a downside. (Pessimism foiled again!)

Silver lining of not having a job: I get to share myself with you and write this from my living room couch with my two puppies curled up next to me.

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